Why is it so hard to make choices that we know will only benefit us in the long run? I am guilty as charged when it comes to this but all around me people are facing the same obstacle. Whether it be finding the time to exercise, deciding you really don’t need that first (or fifth, lol) cookie, that you really don’t need a drink everyday, or deciding that the relationship you’re forming isn’t good for you (or them) after all. There are excuses for everything and it’s amazing the way our brains are able to help us justify those excuses.

For me my biggest obstacles are diet and exercise (both mentally and physically). I know that these things are key to maintaining a long and healthy life. The diet part has gotten easier as I found the cleaner you eat the more you regret that decision to gorge yourself on an all you can eat Chinese buffet. Trust me when I say I recently allowed myself a cheat day doing just that and my long standing love affair with Chinese buffets that has blossomed since childhood met a quick end this past week. When you make the decision to eat well I have found most of those “comfort foods” end up being quite unsettling in your tummy and weren’t worth the few minutes of deliciousness in my mouth. Does that mean I’ll never stray from my diet again? No. It’s just going to happen. But I’m much happier and feel much better when I stick to it.

Now if I could just get on top of the exercise part. I’m disappointed to report that other than a nearly back breaking day of gardening over the weekend I have spent close to zero hours exercising in the past months; nor have I meditated (something I find vital to keeping up overall health). I keep telling myself, ok my lab work is coming up, I’m going to start getting on the bike everyday. But, something always comes up or I simply just don’t want to do it! Let’s be perfectly honest, I loath exercise, and I really wish that wasn’t the case. Running for me is a method of pure torture and while biking is somewhat more enjoyable I really don’t even enjoy that. But I NEED to be doing something. Exercise really and truly seems to boost my white blood cell count, something I desperately need. For me, everything I am trying to do is an attempt to prolong my life without treatments like chemo and a stem cell transplant. Why isn’t that motivation enough to ensure it happens? For once I am out of excuses…

Sometimes we just fall so deep into our habits that it’s just easier and more comfortable to stay where you are. But if we have the chance to improve our lives, why not take it? The brain is such an amazing and obviously vital part of our bodies. If only we could have our own personal angel on our shoulders motivating us to make positive choices and squash all the excuses. Too bad life doesn’t work that way! It’s hard and it’s a lot of work. I’ve written in past blog posts about the importance of being your own advocate in the medical world, but really it goes far beyond that. You need to be your own advocate for the best life you can give yourself. So often we blame the people or things around us for the bad in our lives, and while there are things we cannot change, we are ultimately in charge of finding a way to improve our lives when we’re down or nothing seems to be going right.

We are all human and by nature are going to make mistakes and choices that aren’t beneficial to our overall well being. It’s a struggle to stay on the positive end for many of us, I’m the first to admit that whenever I am commended for my upbeat attitude with my own health battle. And I’m still learning and working towards an improved self. In the meantime if anyone has the secret to boosting motivation, I’m all ears!

It seems unreal that somewhere around 525,600 minutes (thank you Rent for doing the math) or in simpler terms, one year, has passed since my life changed forever. When I got my diagnosis in April of 2015, I waited a whole week to process it before I shared it publicly, mostly because I had a lot of research to do to comprehend the information laid before me. Then of course there was the period of shock and denial. I still find it odd that Multiple Myeloma is the second largest form of blood cancer yet very few people in the world even know what it is, myself included up until a year ago.

This past year has been a roller coaster of emotions and and constant struggle to pull myself up each hill of the ride to keep myself on top. At the end of the day I know despite my misfortune of having this disease that I am blessed. I’m still here a year later, and I’ve gone through that whole year not having to start the horrible treatment that so many others have had no choice but to do right away. It seems crazy that even though my white blood cell count is ridiculously low, that the only illness that I have battled since diagnosis is one common chest cold due to a ill prepared camping trip. Though I believe my clean diet plays a huge factor in this (don’t worry, I’ll ramble about that in a different post!) My Myeloma markers themselves are nearly identical to the numbers seen at diagnosis, no better, no worse. So I remain in the smoldering state of Myeloma, where I hope to stay and never graduate to full blown Multiple Myeloma.

I want to take this opportunity to thank each and everyone of you that is been on this journey with me, whether it be in person, prayer, or spirit. You have impacted my life more than you’ll ever know and have helped me to see the light when my attitude turns bitter. To the countless people who donated to the medical expense account that friends graciously set up for me last year, there isn’t a day that goes by that I am not eternally thankful for the help in easing the financial burden of all of the numerous trips to Buffalo for testing as well as the costly procedures involved. They are things that treatment or not, my life will be filled with in the years to come, with no end in sight unless a cure is found. I’m truly blessed and touched by you all.

So what path does this journey take me from here? As I mentioned recently I still have regular lab work, though I’ve received the green light to have blood drawn every six weeks rather than every four weeks (insert happy dance). Some the major tests will happen on a yearly basis, some less frequently so long as my markers stay the same. Though I’d be ok with never having that giant bone marrow biopsy needle near my backside again, I know it’s in the future somewhere. I’m due back at Roswell on May 23rd to meet with my Bone Marrow Transplant Specialist where I will also get my yearly bone density scan to ensure that my Osteopenia (onset of Osteoporosis, in my case caused by the Myeloma). If all goes well I won’t need to go up there for six more months, though I will still have my every three month appointments with my local oncologist. I think it might even be safe to say that my goal of walking down the aisle in July not yet having done treatment might not be so crazy after all?

I will close with a few inspiring words from the song Seasons of Love from the musical Rent:

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets
In midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?
Measure in love

Read more: RENT – Seasons Of Love Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Enjoy life to the fullest, embrace every moment, and be thankful for the love around you. Let the good weigh out the bad. We are all just lucky to be here and be loved.

MM